The Crossroad Inn

We interrupt our scheduled programming for a Special Announcement

A few weeks ago i met a special little boy.

This boy was born disabled after something went horribly wrong during the first weeks of conception. it turns out now the little boy's mother may have been poisoned by someone "close" to her.

Zach was born profoundly disabled with a misshaped head and cleft palate that effects his speech. He has a large cavity in his chest and retarded development.


Zach is now six years old. The same age as my son Brodie. Zach is the size and weight of a one year old baby. He wears nappies as he has no bowel control. He eats processed food only as he would choke on food that he has no control over chewing on. He drinks from a bottle.



He has no speech. His world is silent except when he is in pain and then he cries a quiet mournful cry. Seeing him in pain is horrible, especially as he can't tell his mother where it is hurting. Zach's digestive system has not developed properly and he needs laxatives on a regular basis to keep everything "going smooth" otherwise he gets "clogged up' and cries his agonized little mournful cry.


Zach can't walk. I doubt he will ever walk, I don't think his disability on his bone structure will allow that freedom. He can pull himself up and rock unsteadily while hanging on to furniture. Zach loves playing with plastic colored cups. Zach loves to be touched and gently stroked especially around his neck area. He will grab your hands and smile a kinda of cheeky half smile and pull your hands towards his neck in an effort to get you to gently stroke where he likes it. When you stroke him his whole body goes rigid and he kicks his legs out in pure joy before reaching again for your hand to do it again

Zach loves looking out of windows. he will sit on a chair in front of a window playing with his colored cups for hours. Then he will fall asleep before waking up to stare quietly out of the window for a few more hours.

In the short time that Zach and his family came to stay with us on the farm, my life was enlightened and enriched by his presence.

my husband Glen is an original alpha manly man. He spends his days with computers and radios/remote control/robotics. He is a genius fixing cars and specializes in collecting vintage volvo's, mercs and jaguars and rebuilding them. He rides motorbikes in black leathers and has been known to wipe the floor with idiots surrounding him.... He is not backwards in coming forward and telling people what he really thinks.. in other words... he calls a cunt a cunt and will back his words up ... He has my back at all times even when we don't agree (which is often - I am a softie he is a hardass) and lets just say a dark look alone off him is scary.. Ok now that I have established my hubby's tough side I will make my point. lol


When Zach was here Glen had just finished his treatment course and was still weakened physically and mentally. He was not bedridden as he was during treatment but still spent most of the day resting and trying to recover from the extreme side affects from his treatment.

So Glen and Zach spent a lot of time together in my lounge-room. Zach's mum would put Zach on one chair and he would soon wiggle along to be close to Glen where Zach would grab Glen's hands and make him tickle his neck. It was magic to watch. Glen is scary to kids with his booming deep voice but to watch Zach and Glen together was magic. They formed a special bond that amazed me. To hear Glen laugh was magic to me....and Zach made me smile everyday. I miss him so much since they went back home..ok I miss you too Bella...

It is hard to describe the affect he has on you. For me, I just wanted to wrap him up in my arms and take away his pain. See the simple things make Zach smile, a touch, a colour, a noise, a breeze in the wind. he will never play Playstations or ride bikes down the street. he will never climb trees or go off exploring his environment. He will never have friends to chat with or go for a walk down to the shops to buy lollies with.

My children accepted Zach as part of the crew. They deal with disabilities everyday with my disabled daughter Kiralea. To my children, a child that is "different" is not different. To my children everyone is unique and they approach them and accept each and every person as being unique.



I am proud of my children's acceptance of disabilities. For example my son was building a lego house and he found a "half lego man" without any legs. Most children would have thrown out this "broken man" but not my son. My son made the little half man a wheelchair and then build his lego house to be "wheelchair friendly". I am proud of my children's acceptance and respect of "differentness"

I am proud my children have strong hearts and understanding within. I am proud of their moral fibre.

Zach is accepted by his home town people with smiles. Zach is accepted at his school and socially. Zach is accepted by his friends and family yet the one place Zach is not accepted was found yesterday here on myspace.

Zach's mother is a popular blogger here on myspace. Belladonna Badass. A great lady and I do not say that lightly. I truly think Belladonna rocks, a real keeper. I am only sad that I didn't meet her earlier in my life.. then again that might not be such a great idea considering our wicked senses of fun and humor.

Belladonna took offense to the way the word "retard" was used. Not the fact that the word retard was used, but the context it was used in. As Zach's mother she has the base right to be offended.

you can tell me sticks and stones can break bones but names can never hurt and I call you crap. Sticks and stones cut deep but bruises heal. Words cut deeper and do not heal over. Words cannot be taken back. The word or "logos" is the most powerful thing that humans have been gifted with. The power to speak out. The power to say this is wrong goes hand in hand with that power to use words to hurt or to hate.

I sat there and watched and listened to someone we will call "alphabet soup". Alphabet soup is a very angry little girl that seems intent on stirring up trouble, even going as far as to challenge people to "write a drama blog about her"

This is not a drama blog. This is a blog about friendship and protecting those who can't protect themselves. In this case Zach. You see Zach has no logos. he has no words to defend himself. He will never be able to defend himself.

So I will use my words and my logos to defend him.

I find people act tough behind a keyboard. Especially scared little girls with no sense of self. I forgive them for thinking they are tough and big for acting out their hatred and anger. Of all people I know that it will come back and slap them in the face like a wet smelly fish.

What I do find amazing is the amount of "projection" in Alphabet Soups words. I find that everything that was said could actually be turned around and pinned on her chest along with her cruelty to those less fortunate than herself medal. Alphabet Soup called zach's mother a whore along with other shoe'ed ladies....plus other threatening big tough words... I am not addressing all that here today.. alphabet soup has a right with free speech to say what she wants about anyone. Belladonna's a big girl.. she can choose to ignore that or deal with that her way..the shoes can trample or walk around anyone they want too..... In other words they are adults who can defend themselves...In fact In all this drama going on I haven't said much.. you are all adults and can handle yourself in this world if dog eat dog...

But when the conversation turned to "retards' and alphabet soup put forward an innuendo and accusation that Zach wasn't even disabled and it was being used for a sympathy ploy... that was it for me...She has the right to speak as I have the right to defend one who can't speak back.


So lets get this out once and for all.. I could be called a retard... an inbred one at that looking at my family line. Zach is not retarded...he is not a retard no.. He has retarded development and chromosonal abnormalities .. that does not define Zach.. Zach is Zach

 Zach is a piece of magic gifted to this world to make the sun shine.

Alphabet soup is the one disabled and retarded. Her social development and people skills are definitely retarded. Her self awareness and empathy towards others is highly retarded. her heart and love is retarded....I have to admit her skills of hatred and anger are sadly highly developed though...

Unfortunately for alphabet soup she is a very sad lost little girl inside with many issues that need dealing with. I personally think that Alphabet Soup just wasn't loved and instead has turned to anger and hatred and acting all big and tough. I feel sorry for her sad little ass because she will never see the magic and sunshine that children like Zach and My Kiralea give to the world.


I have a simple message for Alphabet Soup..I really feel sorry for you. Your anger and hatred levels will only get you into trouble through life and earn you a list of haters longer than George Bush's. Unless you love you will only see anger and hatred and it will snowball until it pervades and takes over completely until you are left a bitter lonely shell of a person. You can be all big and tough... you can think you are really cool while doing it... you may think you are scary, threatening people like you have been doing ....but you're not....you are a sad little lost girl who has much to learn about life and people.. college might be a good thing for you... you may learn something.. growing a heart would be a great start.

Oh yeah.. this is MYspace.. Sorry to say but Alphabets soups brand of hatred and vitriol are not accepted here.. I have a big red delete button to.. this ones for Zach..

You will never be as good or a special as Zach and all other magical children like him are...you can throw out that favorite "retard" word you are so fond of as often as you want... all I can say is *cringe* do you have any idea how moronic, nasty and full of hate and anger you truly appear to be?


I guess this is disclaimer time.... I am directing this at one person and one person only.. Alphabet Soup.... Why do i call this juvenile alphabet Soup? because her Damned name is too stupid and long to say-------- anyway.. you got the blog written about you... but you remane nameless to me.. and will remain Alphabet Soup on this blog...



I love this world.. Its my world.. and I love Zach..

I think I've mentioned that my lovely five Year old Has Aspgergers Syndrome along with his older sister Kiralea. Well I thought I would introduce you to Brodie and all the exciting things that Brodie gets up to of a day







To Brodie you are alien and really weird. You think weird and you act silly and you lie a lot. You don't say what you mean. Your world is horrid loud, brash, harsh and cruel to Brodie. Your world is a prison to Brodies soul.

And you are the one with the disability. You just aren't that good. Brodie is. You see it's the Brodies of the world that have given you the ability to be able to read this the instant I post it. It's the Brodie's of the world that allow you to fly and watch spaceship's lifting off. It's the Brodies of the world that solve most of your problems and allow humanity to move ahead.



Creative eccentric genius. That is Aspergers Autism. The wheel was probably invented by someone with Aspergers, Da Vinci, from all records left also appeared to have Aspergers. In fact most of the great people down through time had Aspergers. The thinkers, the inventors, the creators.







Brodie lives in Brodie's world, there is no other world. You do not exist. If you do exist you are there in that moment of time purely for brodie's use. Once Brodie has no more use for you, you are no longer there. If Brodie doesn't want to see you, he won't. If Brodie doesn't want to talk to you, he won't and basically if Brodie doesn't want to be a good boy for you, he won't.


It's not that he wants to be naughty, it is just that Brodie doesn't know boundaries. Brodie has no self control at all.

The police were called after Brodie had wandered off yet again. By the time the police had arrived Brodie had walked in the front gate and into his room and was standing with his arms crossed facing the wall refusing to acknowledge anyone.

As the police walked up the front path Brodie stuck his head out the window and yelled  "Hello Mr Policman. Are you going to underarrested my mummy?"

He then came out to where I was talking to the police on the front verandah entertainment area and proceeded to do cartwheels all over before bouncing off the verandah sofa and then hanging upside down on the fence next to the police officer.

The policeman told him to get down because he wanted to have a talk to him. Brodie got down and stood in front of the policeman at attention looking very serious. The policeman gave him the usual lecture about running off on mummy while daddy was sick and told him not to go out the gate. Bad things can happen to little boys. Quite the stern lecture actually and Brodie stood their looking at the policeman stock still, seemingly listening earnestly.

The policeman finished his stern talk and them looked at Brodie.

Officer: "Now did you understand all that son"
Brodie nods
Officer: "So you know you are not to go out the front or open the door and run out the gate again don't you Brodie?"
Brodie nods
Officer: "So you kow you have to be a good boy and do what mummy tells you to do don't you Brodie?"
Brodie nods
Officer: "and your going to b a good boy now aren't you Brodie and stay at home all the time?
Brodie nods
Officer: "now what have you got to say to your mummy Brodie"
Brodie turns to me with his big brown eyes. "Sorry mum I'll be good now. I love you."
Officer: "and what have you got to say to me Brodie?"
Brodie: "Are you going to underest my mummy or not?"
Officer: "No Brodie I am here to see about you. What are you going to do?"
Brodie: "I'll be good. Sorry, now can you arrested my mummy?"
Offiver: "No brodie but your going to be good so I don't have to come and see you again"
Brodie: "can I go in the car next time?"
Officer: Brodie are you listening to me?"
Brodie: *sigh* Yes I"M listening to you. I'll be good so you won't have to come again". (shoulders slump, chin hangs on chest")
Officer: So you will stay inside the yard and not go out the gate again".
Brodie: "I won't officer, I'll be good."
Officer: "Ok Brodie you can go now"
Brodie hops down off the verandah, runs down the front path, out the front gate and starts skipping merrily off up the road on another adventure.

The look on the two policemen's faces  "Priceless"

There is only Brodie's world. You are part of his world, he is not part of yours.


Brodie lives in a world of his own. Oh he talks to others, when required but won't sit and have a discsussion on the merits of one Bionicle over another. Mind you if you touch his bionicle, or he loses it, there is hell to pay. Until that bionicle is found, its really not worth living.

My favourite Expression uttered millions of times daily to my other children -


One Time when I was in Cairns at the pool on the esplanade I had to go and change Kahleah's water nappy in the toilets, so I said to my eldest daughter Krystal (19 at time) could she watch Brodie while I went and put Kahleahs knickers on. I changed her and walked out again, Brodie was gone and Krystal was talking to a "boy", yet another one that couldn't walk past her boobies.

I had been less than 2 minutes. Well he was found 2 kilometres away on one of the luxury Yachts in the harbour. He had walked in, told them a fake name, (he told them his middle name) said "nice yacht" and then ignored the owners sitting there and set about exploring the yacht, opening cupboards and generally have a sticky beak. That's just Brodie, he wanted to see inside one of the yachts.. so he did. You can't tell him his not allowed to wander off and jump on multi million dollar luxury yachts willy nilly. He does not understand.

After all this is Brodie's world and He can do what he wants. That Yacht was only put there for Brodies use.



Brodie talks in a language all of his own. We call it "E Speak". E speak is a particulalry grating high pitched continuous E sound that can turn your brains to jelly and fry your blood in an instant. Brodie E's when anything doesn't go right. It is a very painful process for anyone listening and can make you wish you were deaf, if not send you deaf.

Can I have some coke?
No
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Can I go to the park
No
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Can I have a movie on
no
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee


Brodie attaches to objects. He has to have something in his hands. Last week it was "Stamper". Stamper was an empty silver office stapler. (I learnt quick never given him staples to go in it or he would staple the cat to the sofa). When you tuck Brodie in bed at night you find the object under his pillow. He won't let it go to toilet or bath. He eats with it and won't be separated from it to go to school even, which of course has a no weapons rule and Stamper along with Brodies other "object" choices, could well be classified as deadly weapons.

Have you ever tried getting a "stamper" as well as an arm inside a shirt sleeve of a morning?



Brodie loves rope. He is fascinated with rope. Often his "object" is a piece of rope which he will continually tie in knots everywhere. There will be rope from one end of the house to the other, twisted up, knotted here and knotted there  on this pice of furntiture, or that pices of furntiture. Best experience for mummy was walking out to a dark kitchen in the middle of the night to find that Brodie had "roped" all the chairs together in the middle of the floor. I think I woke the whole town up with my yells.

Last week Brodie was being "difficult" and I set him in my bedroom in the retreat part on the recliner and turned to put the CD in the rom tray with my back to Brodie. He hadn't spoken to me for an hour except to yell a few no's at me when i asked him questions, so as I bent down I hear this little cheeky voice, "Can I tie you up to the chair mummy" and then he started giggling. That's Brodie.


Brodie wears what he wants to wear when he wants to wear it. Or not wear it depending how he feels. He has no shame so is quite content to strip off naked and play in the water pools at the side of the road. He prefers to be naked.


If Brodie wants to wear something, he wants to wear it. Now Why can't he wear that pink shirt. It looks nice. Why can't he wear shirts over shirts over jackets, he thinks it's cool and why does he have to wear shoes. Wasn't born with shoes, why wear them. Brodie will dress in a nice shirt and shorts and add a clown hat to the ensemble. That's Brodie.

Brodie will only eat what Brodie wants to eat when Brodie wants to eat it.

a typical evening conversation will go something like this

Brodie "I'm hungry mummy"
Me "I'll be dishing dinner out in a minute
Brodie "What's For dinner"
Me " Morrocan Lamb Roast with Vegetables
Brodie (now yelling) "I hate lamb I don't want lamb. I want a vegemite sandwich"
Me (sighing) reaches for the bread and vegemite

Brodie "I'm hungry mummy"
Me "I'll be dishing dinner out in a minute
Brodie "What's For dinner"
Me " Corned beef and white sauce with baked spuds
Brodie (now yelling) "I hate beef I don't want beef. I want a vegemite sandwich"
Me (sighing) reaches for the bread and vegemite

Brodie "I'm hungry mummy"
Me "I'll be dishing dinner out in a minute
Brodie "What's For dinner"
Me " chicken schnitzels salad and fries
Brodie (now yelling) "I hate chicken I don't want chicken. I want a vegemite sandwich"
Me (sighing) reaches for the bread and vegemite


Brodie will not eat cold food if its meant to be hot  (meats and breakfast cereal) and will not eat most hot foods.


Having said all that I have to dish Brodie out a serve of dinner and put it in the fridge because later in the evening or early the next morning (he is not fussy about eating cereal at night either) the conversation goes like this

Brodie: I'm hungry mummy can I have dinner
Me: You didn't want dinner before you wanted a sandwich
Brodie: I want Dinner now
Me: But you said you don't like it
Brodie: But I Like it now eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Me goes to microwave and heats up dinner for Brodie.

Ok so now you are thinking I am a bad mother for not making my son eat the lamb/chicken/beef. The stress it causes to Brodie to try and force him to eat what I want him to eat is too painful for him and us to endure. If I don't make him that sandwich he will focus on that for the rest of the night, not do anything else but eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee and not do anything he is asked, not sleep and not bath. The next morning it continues with a very angry child STILL demanding that sandwich. His brain only focuses on that sandwich and you could offer him ice cream with chocolate and he will still scream for that sandwich. He will scream for that sandwich until he gets that sandwich. A week later he will have eaten nothing and still be screaming for that sandwich.

Once Brodie has his mind set on something, it is the here and now, there is no later because later he will feel completely different then but until the moment's need is met, there is no change, no movement, no motion forward.

This however is the same drive that Aspergers use and take to create positively. An Aspergers person will not give up until the problem at hand is solved. They use extreme logic in thought patterns. Everything is black and white. Everything has a reason. Every Question has an answer and they WILL be the ones to solve it.

Brodie has already had an IQ test when he turned three by a paedatrician who said he was genius and off the scale back then. It was hilarious though. The doc lines up all these toys and asks Brodie what they are and what they are used for. At the time we knew he had food intolerance and were there to get a diet that wouldn't send him berko (aussism for crazy).

So the doc tests him and asks Brodie as he points to them what they are, well by the fifth thing Brodie was bored. Why the hell was this idiot asking him stupid questions for.

So he clammed up. Brodie clams up so well.

Then the doctor prompts him and points to a toy,

 "Is this a plane Brodie"
Silence
"Does it fly brodie"
Silence
"Come on Brodie you know what this is. Is it a plane?"
"No it's a helicopter silly, can't you see it's got two rotors on it".

The doc looks at me, I'm trying to hide my smile and he shakes his head and said he was off the scale and that he had Aspergers and ADHD tendancies too, too which I said thats crap, he just doesn't take chemically poisoned food to well.

See while most people just eat food with preservatives and additives in it and not feel or act any different, it grates on Brodies evolved brain and the chemical cause instant inbalance.





Years ago coal miners used to take a caged canary down the mine shaft to the rockface with them. Mining and methane gas pockets often met with catastrophic results, so the canary was an early age warning system. If the canary turned feet up in the cage, it was time to get out. Methane was leaking.


That's what Brodie is to you. Your own personal canary. Your warning system for toxic products. If it bothers him, his body is fighting it, and trying to get rid of it, he burns it up like lightening in the rush to expel the toxins. If it bothers him, then its not good for the body, any body.

You, well you don't notice a thing in you, your not hypersensitve like Brodie is. But after a while your body notices, you suffer and you get sick. Real sick







This is not actually so. You are the one with the social awkwardness and Brodie knows that. You see Brodie sees all, he sees your hand flutter as you tell a lie, the blink as you embellish a truth, the shuffle of the feet, twitch of a head, they are all computed wthin an instant, recorded and able to be played back at any time like a video in the mind. Everything that goes in is absorbed, examined and catalogued as experience.

See brodie has no time for crap and small talk, he loves nitty gritty and finding out "what makes things tick" and that includes people, he WILL work you out and know your deepest secrets. He will know what you fear and what you like, just by being in the same room as you. Every reaction and movement you make registers to him. He sees and feels all. Everything is heightened. Everything is filed.  He sees in patterns, your patterns and the minute your pattern changes, he knows.


And deep in your unevolved brain you sense that this kid knows more about you than you do and it scares you. It suits you to think he is the one disabled because it helps you feel better about yourself and your own innadequecies.

You can reason with a child that does not have Aspergers. You cannot reason with Brodie because he is a king and a God. What he wants he wants, what he doesn't want he dismisses with a flick of his hand.

and he is a God and he is a King because Brodie and the Brodies of this world are your future. They are the ones that will take you to the next levels of developments. These are the geniuses allow you to live your cushy lives and not have to think.


These Children are your gift from the Gods. They are not disabled, you are. Treat them as they should be treated, nurture their genius, nurture their romantic soft loving souls, Don't be hard or cruel

 Well once a year our little rural hometown stops dead. The traffic is diverted from the main street and all day long trucks are busy unloading and preparing for the evening's festivities. Little stalls spring up instantly along the street curbs, with all sorts of stock being arranged for display and the obligatory hotdog stands send the pall of hotdog stench throughout the whole area.





The kids really deserved some sunshine in their lives with what is going on aorund them so I dressed them all and we all set off for the short walk down the road and across the tracks to the carnival.

They loved the walk down, it was on dusk and the stars had just begun twinkling above the cresent moon in the west. The Christmas music could be heard loudly from the front yard, so the kids couldn't wait to turn the corner to see the pretty lights and festivities sprawled out before their eyes like a feast to be devoured.

When we arrived of course the first stop was the little battery motor cars. The kids duly lined up in the long line as I went and handed over 26 dollars for eight tickets.

I came back to find the crowd around the lineup in hysterics with my kids at the centre of it. Turns out while I was away i missed the best Romeo and Juliet Performance of the century.



As recounted by the older three, Kahleah was standing there with them and all of a sudden they heard this voice call out


They turned around and there was Seth, coming running towards Kahleah, she saw him and started running towards him. The met and hugged each other, jumping up and down for a full minute together.

Of course no one in the crowd around had ever seen anything like it before, except on tv or in the movies. The kids walked together, chatting away up to  Seth's dad with their arms around each other.








Finally it was our turn except of course, Murphy had come to the carnival with us. Each driver had to be over 10 years old. So that was ok for Kiralea driving Kahleah. It was ok for me driving Brodie but Shayla and Kaelan couldn't go, they had to wait until we had finished, neither was over 11 years of age.






We finally decide Kiralea with Kahleah and Brodie with me. So off we go, with Brodie demanding to drive our little number. he did pretty well considering but kept forgetting to let go of the wheel on the straights, so we kinda took out a few orange cones and at one stage were lapping with one planted like the masthead on a ship sitting on the front bumper bar, until the carny jumped and pulled it off. Of course every time I touched the wheel Brodie would have a fit of tantrum and would fold his arms, huff and take his foot off the accelerator pedal until I cheered him up again. Soon, or not soon enough it was over. The other two girls had a ball, Kahleah sat up next to Kiralea like an angel with her hands in her laps, just taking it all in, wide eyed and fascinated.




Notice the hands so tghtly gripped. With a bit of practise he would be a good driver. Also note that Blue Shirt. I tried to dis attach him to that for an hour before we left the house and gave up. No fashion sense but he thinks he looks cool.


We come to a dead stop, smack bang in the middle of the car in front, jerking me backwards into the back of the seat.

 yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow

the middle of my back slammed into the metal.. ahh they don't make cushions on these, someones going to really hurt themselves one day. Me!!

SO I get off, grimacing in pain, hobbling along like Quasimodo, racing after the two little ones, knowing if I took my eyes off Brodie for an instant, that was the night gone. I gathered them within arms reach and went back to the other kids who were chomping at the bit to get on.



That was four tickets gone. Now Shayla and Kaelan needed a ticket each and two drivers. That meant Kiralea and I. But having said that, do you really think I am going to leave my five year old "This is my world" kid and my three year old "oooh whats that!!" kid out there alone?



Finally the carny came over after seeing the look of exasperation and distress on my face and asked me what was wrong.


Well it's like this, I have eight tickets, five children, four of us have been on. Now I would like to give these two kids a ticket and send them on but they aren't allowed. So, what I then have to do is either, rope the two little ones to the fence or your wrist, or send them on one at at time with my older girl. But see that doesn't work because my other kids will be pissed that the older girl gets two extra rides so they are going to demand two extra rides too. That then means that I have to go and buy another bulk pack of tickets for 26 dollars before anyone gets to ride on the ride. So yeah, that's my problem". I stopped and looked at him quizically.

He stood back a step, bamboozled by my seemingly one syllable monologue. He thought for a second, then looked down at Kaelan and said ina  gruff voice. "How old are you son?" .

Kaelan shook as he replied "Nine"
"Close enough, get on", Said the carny looking around furtively.





You know I have some great friends who are carnys and I love them muchly but have you ever noticed that carny and furtive fit together in the same breath so well. Every carny I have known has that "aura" about them. (Ghosty dear, If you and Mr Holden Hat are ever reading this. I do love you.)


So Kealan and Shayla raced to get on the ride. Meanwhile Kahleah has decided it is time to investigate the toilets to see if they all flush and that the taps are all in working order. So I deputize Kiralea to take her to the loo and tell her to meet me at the corner when shes done. I yell out to Kae and Shay to meet me at the corner then off I set with Brodie.





Well I walked the wrong way didn't I. All that stuff designed to pull Kids attention doesn't work for Brodie the pretty flashy toys and gimmicky things do not interest him but when I got to the stand that was set up with Video Games and Karaoke, that was it. We would go no further. Brodie stopped dead in his tracks, his normally huge eyes opened wider like saucers and he was starstruck by the dude playing the video game.



I finally dragged him away by reminding him that his tummy needed filling. So we made our way into the middle of the street where the hotdog stand was and lined up to order.

Brodie "EeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeI'm hungry"
Me "I know baby we are getting some sausages on a stick and going to go and wait for Santa"
Brodie "(yelling really loud) I don't want sausage on a stick"
Me: "Well what do you want"
Brodie "I want something else eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"


Me: Well we are having sausages on a stick and if you don't stop e'ing I will take you home and you can stay with dad in his room.
Brodie: (Worse now) "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

We communicate like that for aminute with more evil stares from passerbys. I am really going to get a T_shirt that reads


Meanwhile it's my turn and I order 6 dogs and sauce for 24 dollars. Great over 50 gone already and all I get is eeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Brodie: " I want a drink mummy"
Me: I can't afford a drink as well if you want another ride. You will have to wait till home or go get some water
Brodie: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

So this went on and all of a sudden the woman reached down from the van and put three dogs in my hand. My money was on the counter and I asked her to wait a sec and before I could say batty bastard, she stuck three dogs in my other hand.

I just stood there, stock still frozen in shock with Brodie yelling at me from my feet with six hotdogs in two hands periously close to all falling everywhere over the crowd around me in a lavalike eruption of dagwood dog and ketchup.

Yay brilliant, I eyed my change on the counter and then looked back at my two full hands and down at my screaming son. Then the lady behind me started laughing, I looked down and I started laughing too and the next thing everyone around started laughing, with me in the middle trying to manuveour all six dogs in into one hand while I pocketed the change. The woman behind the counter just looked at us all as if we were nuts,, stupid woman.... hang on means "wait" lady......

So we set off the short distant to the meeting spot, by now all the other kids should have met up, right?

Wrong, they were nowhere in sight. So here is me, standing in the middle of the road, with Brodie screaming at my feet, the whole crowd staring at me like some zoological exhibition on display, with three hotdogs in each hand, three black leather jackets slung over my shoulder, one handbag and one camera but no children. I did what anyone would do in that situation, cracked myself up laughing and just had to get a shot of the event.





The next thing my sproglets all turned up and I doled out the dogs to them. Of course Brodie refused his. Then the sirens started and I could see a police car coming along the road. Santa was on his way. I asked Brodie if he wanted to come and see him but he just eee'ed at me so I picked Kahleah up, sloshing ketchup all over me and pushed through the crowd to go and see Santa.




We get to Santa and she screams and tries to climb up into my hair. She pointed back the way we came and said "take me back mummy". So I have to then fight back through the crowd again, which by this time was all headed straight at me. I finally got back to the kids and put Kahleah down and looked around.


'Umm Kaelan where is brodie"
Kae: I dunno he started yelling about stamper and then he was gone. Oh Joy. Just what I had tried to avoid, had happened.

So I start my usual search, I know him by now and know where to look so I went straight up to the police who were at a squad car blocking off the road to my home.

"Hey guys, You seen Brodie, I said to the officer, Adam.

Adam shook his head, "Gone again"

I nodded and said well if you see him, you know where to take him. The other officer was new and looked quizzically at Adam.

He shrugged at him, I suppose he had some explaining to do about Brodie after I had left. I next went to the public toilets, he likes the taps and water. No Brodie, Kaelan meanwhile had been searching the other side of the town square. I went back to the kids, by now my usual painful bubbling heart was in my throat. Finally I heard Kiralea from the distance yell got him mum and i raced over.


brodie was crying and all stressed.

I leaned down to him and gave him and cuddle and asked what was wrong. "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I lost Stamper. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

Me: Oh hunny where did you lose him.
I lost him down there and he's gone
me: where abouts did you lose him
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
down there (points to near food van)
Me: Ok baby lets go and look for him.

I settle the other kids and mozy off with Brodie. I know he's headed where he threw it because he is purposeful in his direction. We get back to the food van and search where he lost it for ten minutes. hell no, This is Kingaroy, a free stamper left on the ground for his little owner to return to pick up? No way, its straight into a pocket.

So I know we are going to have eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee for the rest of the night. We wander back just in time for the fireworks to start.. and well it did with a huge rip and tear and then a bang.


The countdown started as did the fireworks, I glanced down at Brodie, worried that the noise would terrify him but he was enraptured with the colours, his mouth wide open catching flies, his eyes like two huge luminous pools of awe. Kahleah tugged at me and I bent down to pick her up and that is when it all went south.


The jeans I had on were my really old denim ones that I hadn't worn in quite some time. As I pulled them on earlier that evening my finger had gone through the demin at the side loops. I thought to myself that it was new jeans time but wore them anyway. The hole was tiny and it wasn't like I was going to church or anything.




and felt the jeans give and then felt the waft of the cool summer breeze on my G-stringed Ass. Oh no. Nothing worse could possibly happen. I froze and slowly reached up to my shoulder, taking my black jacket down and tying it around my waist. I stood up and looked around to see if anyone had witness my ultimate embarrassing moment in life. Nope, thank God. Well I hope not, knowing my luck when I am a famous writer, some asshole will post the pictures on the net for the world to see my ass hanging out of my denims.

So I stood there trying not to move to much and acutely aware of my jacket's flimsy hold around my waist.





But was that the end of my exciting night?

No way, we were only halfway through the excitement.. Would you have gone home at this point?

Stay tuned for Part Three in Brodies Series tomorrow and then the Kiralea story begins after that. If you thought life with Brodie was action packed.. then you must read Kiralea's story.