Pregnant Man That IS Legally A Man But Really A Woman Thomas Beattie

mayet666 30 March, 2008 00:05 General, News, Current Events, Non-Fiction, Myspace Permalink Trackbacks (0)

07:31 PM - World First Pregnant Male (extremely Important Update Come and Read Now)
Category: News and Politics


In developments of the so called Pregnant man case, more and more voices are crying "hoax" over the whole story as news comes to light that Thomas Beattie is under a confidetiality contract until April the 1st


is this the largest Aprils Fools Joke the world has ever seen?

Truth Lies fiction aside


What would you think if you did find out this was a huge hoax?

What would you think of the people involved in the joke?

would you laugh off being had or would it piss you to no end?


Pregnant Man A Hoax?


Is The Pregnant Man A Hoax


 

Is The ’Pregnant Man’ A Hoax?

The recent story of Thomas Beattie, the transgender man from Oregon who is apparently pregnant with a baby girl, continues to become more complex.

 

Some people simply aren’t buying it.

Thomas’ neighbour Ron Schlieper told Katu.com why he’s not convinced. "I saw him a few days ago and he didn’t look like that," he said, referring to the images published of Beattie in The Advocate. "He was walking down the street with who I thought was his wife, Nancy, and I don’t recall seeing a belly. If that (picture was taken) a month ago, he would have been much bigger just a few days ago."

Despite Schlieper’s comments, another neighbour said that the couple have been regularly attending fertility treatments in Portland.

Fox News has been investigating the story too. The biggest clue that they might be onto something lies in their revelation that Beattie is under a confidentiality contract which ends on April Fools Day – April 1st. Beattie says that he won’t be speaking to media until then.


========================================






All I know is that I carried my babies much lower than it appears in mr Beatties photo..

the lower half of the tummy at five months is getting rounded but not the top as the uterus hasn’t stretched up that high yet...
the picture looks like a seven month pregnant woman not a five month pregnant woman .. but thats just personal observation...

and ovulation with a beard? I still say no way...

time will tell this will be interesting


*note.. I read that it says the picture was taken a month ago.. making the picture taken at four half months of pregnancy..



Also I have been reading. Matt Rice was the first transgender to give birth to a baby and since then there has been at least two other recorded cases of transgenders giving birth



Also where are the breasts.. I don’t care if he had them cut off.... but pregnancy makes breasts develop and the first transgender Matt rice grew small breasts during pregnancy












Well has it finally happened

Have women been made obsolete.

We all know that really the world only needs one man, to produce enough sperm to keep the population growth as standard.

But women have always been a needed commodity. That is why we are called WOMBan and the world needs lots of wombs to keep our humans at the top of the food chain


because we have the womb

we are the vessel that carries and brings forth new life. That job was uniquely ours.... until now.



headlines screamed out at me this morning.

Pregnant Man Due In July

with THIS rather grotesque image underneath it.
(puhleese not before breakfast people)



A man is reportedly pregnant with a baby girl.

US man Thomas Beatie and his wife were expecting their first child in July, according to US news service TransWorldNews.

Beatie, from the state of Oregon, was born a woman but had a sex change in which he had chest reconstruction and testosterone therapy, but no change to his reproductive organs, TransWorldNews said.

He stopped taking testosterone injections to get pregnant, Beatie reportedly wrote in an article for The Advocate, a magazine for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender readers.

Doctors had refused to treat Beatie, including one that sent him to "the clinic’s psychologist to see if we were fit to bring a child into this world and consulted with the ethics board of his hospital" , the article said.

Beatie admitted his situation "sparks legal, political and social unknowns", TransWorldNews said
The Age Australia - Pregnant Man Due In July

============================================




So there you go... no more WOMBan

Ok so technicallly this one was born a female.. changed to a male.. stopped that and decided to become pregnant instead

I am sorry... but am I the only one confused here other than Mr/Mrs Beattie

I am still rather stunned at all the implications behind this. Morally. Ethically, Futuristically Spiritually, Mentally and Physically.. Did I miss any there?

Is this is good thing or a bad thing?

What is you view on testosterone filled "men" being pregnant?

Will he/she breastfeed?

What hormones are running around in him and can they affect the baby is a bad way? Can this totally fuck the babies hormones up?

Would you do this if the option existed?


Myspace Easter

mayet666 23 March, 2008 15:44 General, Fiction, Poetry, Comedy, Satire, Myspace, Easter Permalink Trackbacks (0)
It is Easter time on Myspace
and frankly no one gives a phuck
the’re off watching all the drama
that is surrounding Nip/tuck

Rotten Rob is up in Alaska
living with the polar bears
he hosts the north pole bloggers meets
and shows off all his photoshopped wares

Caroline is down at the courthouse
lodging legal documents
she may not have many dollars
but she certainly has got some sense

Tommy Blaze is in the studio
recording his latest comedy show
I wish I could go to see him
But its way to far for me to go

Crabby is busy being deleted
or doing all the deleting himself
and then he sneaks back in again
like a commando switched on stealth

Sarah’s dippity in dots again
Allison is on the rum with Jude
all the guys are perving on
I think its very very rude

Deana’s boobies are off visiting
peoples pages all on their very own
you know things like this wouldn’t happen
if her big girl bra’s were all hand sown

Johnny Udaho is out talking
and he’s off visiting cat zen space
They are drinking top shelf scotch and ice
and getting very much off their face

Mrs Claytons shining the silver
for an easter party high tea
becareful of the gatecrashers
they all are wanting somethng for free

The Poodley one is off visiting
the posh poodle parlour vet
they’ll clip her nails and do her hair
she makes a very poodley pet

The beasty boy is singing
and jamming on his drum
I’m sure it makes his dick go hard
just sitting there on his bum

Christine is off somewhere with Michael
I think they are polishing up their ring
did you know that they will be married soon
I bet she will be wearing lots of bling

I haven’t seen much of Coco
or lovely Madame Quita too
Maybe they are off somewhere together
and bitten off more than they can chew

Ruby’s on the blog talk radio
talking hip with miss lala
Kit kat is handing out the chocolate
Clark is listening to the blog hoo ha

Alice is dreaming dreams of Blunderland
and all that it contains within
don’t worry about the nasty phone calls
the caller belongs inside a smelly bin

Aero and Becki fight over bacon
over on The Jolly Mullets blog
all that pornographic piggery
makes a woody bunny want a flog

Mikes playing jedi warriors
and fighting raging christian men
I think the lions side is winning
the war of words and the poisoned pen

Chaddie is out in Lisa’s closet
trying on all those pink heeled shoes
there is so many styles and colors
which ones are a boy to choose



Jabs is out in front of the mirror
practising all his radio show lines
Im sure the phones will be silent
He is bound to have a heap of time

Gabbi’s off somewhere with Casey
and Gina’s blogging as a man
I heard that Sandie changed as well
and she even stood up on the can

Munch is chasing all the ladies
and lamenting older football games
he is what you call a footy fan
he knows the players by first names

Angelheartz is counting numbers
for the top ten blogs of this myspace
you know that if you not included
your not that known around this place

Harriet is thinking that she’s hateful
but she has got a real cute bum
Marge is soaking in palmolive
and Nicoles is playing with her gun

Deonne’s is whistling in the willows
and trying on her come fuck me boots
you got to love those stilletto heels
they make her look trim around her glutes

Momma Rose is out in Texas
with her handsome young strapping lads
I wouldn’t want to be mean to her
With those sons to deal with all the cads

Doug is busy at the hairdressers
he is trying on many wigs
it makes his ego lionlike
and ready to go off hunting pigs




Captain Josie’s sailing pirate ships
with an Awsome young one alongside
One of them is Australian
the other a body to hot to hide

PQ’s off chasing rollercoasters
and all the good fun bits in life
the girl is all of beans and hormones
and she is often knee deep in strife
 
Barbara’s busy with the camera
when nip moves out of the way
she really loves that front angle
and will pose for it all day

Sly has been arrested
They thought she been up to smoking pot
godamn it was such a great party
its a crying shame it had to stop

Chell is off to visit London
and I’m sure she’ll see the queen
and although she knows she made of wax
she has fulfilled yet another dream



Kat is confusing me as always
there is two of them around here
so forgive me if I get fuddled
but from both of you i like to hear

Lorrie is out in the counting house
counting all those star search votes
Stone Bryson was the winner
he deserves to have a little gloat

Jersey Girl is the original fokstar
she is friends with Doctor Debutante
everytime they enter the blogwars
they always type in a much larger font

Doc Merrkin’s out on his motorbike
off visiting Rick in big new york
Wolfie is the gracious host
and shes cooking up roast pork



Stephanies doling out to lovestrucks
scattered all around the land
shes telling them all about life
and how boys are not so grand

Rav’s chasing ginger puddytats
from underneath his sheeted bed
but you can guarantee no pussy
on the one who gives him head

Nurse Ratchet is planning adventures
I think shes off to visit Kate
for meets and drunken parties
I’m sure they’ll end up lifelong mates

Kimberley is writing her name out
it is a really long for that you know
by the time you finish the first part
it’s not riding ass that is gonna blow

Basil is blogging naked
and cheating his way around
he is fooling all those women
the word is out in mypsace town

Trixi’s off playing Miss McBimbo
Though I heard she’s really smart
always surrounded by the drama
and protected by a big red heart



Elfies showing off that tummy
and those wonderful lady abs
all the women get so jealous
elfie’s sore from the backstabs

Shirtless John is chasing jessica
and working out in the muscles gym
I’m sure that they will be playing games
when those nightlights go down dim

Joko is playing his ukelele
and staying up all night
he knows that in the morning
his eyes won’t open without a fight

Winky’s sexing up the photographer
out in old Las vegas way
watch out for Valerie Vodka
for in that area she likes to play

Dawn’s screaming at the school system
they have really let her down
fiona’s smiling over in England
Katrina’s show is on downtown

Arris is over chasing rainbows
and blogging issues to be aware
she entered melias rack contest
and all agree she has a nice pair

Eric brooks is in the photoshop
banging away next door to oz
you never know what they will do next
but be sure it will reach top pos



Mantana is being a big dickhead
but there’s nothing new in that
I heard he’s really stupid
and hangs off silent nation’s fat

Damn girl is swearing at the heavens
and crying damn this silly world
don’t fret about the haters
in cyberspace that you have hurled

Rosewine is conjuring up some poetry
Jodi may just enter it once again
who will win the month of March
the waiting drives them all insane

Yvonne and Linda are chasing puppies
I think Mikey needs a bath you know
the one thing about those furballs
is the rate that they bloody grow

Token is out assassinating characters
I hear his got a big freaking gun
just don’t go on out goin postal
stick around we will have some fun

Bobby is recording all his past sins
with Lec and Luna hanging to his word
you know that when you get to know him
he really isn’t such a turd



Snickles gritzing up the boardwalk
and waltzing off with rotten rob
anthro’s in new york with susan
RFA and Mish are crying about a Sob

Trippers locked away in prison
I know that easter visits there
this bunny sends to you a playboy
a sweet eyed blonde with a double pair






 
and Mayet is way downunder
writing all this shit you see
You know now that this ole bunny
is nothing without little ole me

I’m busy thinking all of my dittys
in the hope you will get a laugh
the last thing you want this easter
is for me to make you wanna barf


and then there is all the commentators
of this myspace world of ours
I hope you know that without you all
we might as well be out milking cows


This Easter is for all of you
there is too many of you to name
I hope your wishes all come true
and you live a life of fortune and fame

Now we are nearing to my ending
and if I have forgotten you
know within my little beating heart
I love you all I really do





So if you think this is silly
Frankly I don’t give a fuck
you don’t always have to read me
there’s the classic faux king Mr Buck

The Manblog

mayet666 16 March, 2008 06:46 General, Poetry, Comedy, Satire, Myspace Permalink Trackbacks (0)
I wandered over to my friend Sandie’s blog today and found an absolutely hilarious blog about Sandie’s secret life as a man. Sandie was taking up a blogging challenge issued by Casey.

Sandie’s Secret Life as A Man



I love me some Sandie Candie
She makes it fun around here for sure
Everytime I read her blogs
I rolll around laughing on the floor

She is always Bright and Bubbly
and loyal to all those that she’s met
Sandie Candie Keeps on smiling
and spreading joy about the net


Her Blog Inspired me to think what I would do if I was a man for 24 hours.




So on behalf of a fabulous warmed hearted wonderful person, I wrote this blog.

If I was a man in this wild land
I most certainly would have some fun
I would grow some hairy manboobs
and show them off out in the sun
I would chat up all the ladies
leer and grope and squeeze their bum
I would swear and cuss and curse alot
and get rolling drunk from skolling rum





I would Scratch my balls



Ensuring I cocked one leg and screwed up one eye while attempting this.


Stand up to do a pee



shake him and leave yellow Pee dots on the seat



Leave the toilet seat up




Put the lid up after I pee and not replace the empty toilet roll





Bring mud on my boots into the house



and then take my boots off in the living room and leave them there.



Refuse to wash the dishes




and definitely don’t scrape my plate scraps into the bin.



Walk out and go to the pub when the kids are screaming



and have a quiet game of drunken darts



Have a "wank" or "pull my pud"



making sure I stick the centrefold pages of playboy together




Walk around with no shirt on all day



and flex my muscles in the mirror, sucking in my gut for the side view



Get a head job




and make her swallow


Go to the pub with the boys after work



and come in rolling drunk about 2 am



Stay up all night playing video games



and leave beercans and full ashtrays along with a sleeping buddy or two in the living room



Spend two hours on the toilet farting loudly and moaning




while reading the daily newspaper making sure I didn’t use the toilet brush afterwards





Sleep in of a morning and not get up to the kids



and tell the wife to keep them quiet I have a big night ahead





Have dinner waiting for me on the table when I walk in the door



and expect a cold beer sitting next to it




Surf for porn on the net all night



and hang pinups of a washed up Jenna Jamieson



Shave my whiskers



Then slather aftershave with pieces of toilet paper stuck onto my missed bits



Roll over after sex and start snoring



and make her sleep in the wet spot


pee on the tree



while whistling stread legged and looking up at the sky




Walk around with a hairy plumber crack



Ensuring I have a good old scratch every now and then




Wear a only a pair of boxers down to the corner shop to get the milk in the morning



Said Boxers must be black satin and display red devils on them



and finally I would spend the last few hours as a man in jail because I would just have to



Flash Someone


So now you know everything I would do in my life as a man for 24 hours.

So I ask you. If you were the opposite sex for 24 hours What wouldn’t you do.

I know I wouldn’t fix the car
or hammer nails in

What wouldn’t you do?

Would you take the opportunity to have sex with someone as the opposite sex?

Tag - 10 Weird Things About Me

mayet666 07 February, 2008 08:55 General, Non-Fiction, Myspace Permalink Trackbacks (0)


You know comes a time for every blogger that they post the blog with the title

"I got tagged"

 


Well I got pissed.


I mean I had never been tagged.


Did that mean nobody loved me?

Did that mean that nobody cared?

 Did that mean that nobody wanted to know anything about me?



Can you buggers pass me the tissues while I cry here instead of just reading this and laughing.




Or did it really mean that I talk to much and everyone knows everythng about me anyway from reading my profile and getting sore eyes from my long monoblogs?

*sigh*


If any blogger says they hate being tagged then that they are bashfully bullshitting.


Every blogger loves talking about themselves.
Otherwise they wouldn't be bloody bloggers.


Well I had months to plan my tags when they finally occured.

Finally my big day arrived. My comments popped out at me with


"You have been tagged"


Yay my big day.. and I had forgotten everyone of my tag plans....


So anyway after I completed my aftershow entry for the Bloggers Carnivale today, I decided to complete my tag.


I decided to tell you all ten things about me that you would never have guessed in a pink fit.


I decided to tell you ten things that I didn't say in my profile "about me".

I would like my readers who haven't read my profile to read that along with this as they do kinda go together.



So here it is..
Ten Weird Things About me That you never knew.


1, I smashed my five front teeth in a bicycle accident when I was 12.
(Story to Come)

 

2, I had my first penis exposed to me at school by a pedophile wanted by the police when I was nine. I stood there and debated loudly whether it was real or not with my best friend.
(Story to Come)

 

3, I wagged school for three months straight when I was 13. I would go to the local pinball parlour and play space invaders for money. I always had enough to play and eat and I was eventually arrested there and charged with being uncontrollable and then locked up on remand for three weeks. I was given 18 months probation.
(Story to Come)

 

4, I was so angry about that little event and I met some rad people in lockup.I soon broke my probation and hence I spent my sweet 16th locked up for armed robbery
yes it was a gun…...
yes I spent nearly a year inside….
(Blockbuster Movie To Come)

 

5, I was the first person under new sexual harassment laws to go through the court system in NSW. My case made headlines, I was represented for free by the country's top barristers and Queens Counsels and my case was written up in the Human Right Commissions journals. I won and no I was not the one doing the harassing. The story and my phot were on the front page of the newspaper and I was interviewed on Eyewitness News (national)
(Story to Come)

 

6, After my sister died I went off the rails in a big way. I went away to study psychology and sociology at University and after a year or so decided you couldn't put people in boxes and there was no way I was a Marxist like my professor. So I dropped out and became involved in drug trafficking, culminating in my own attempted murder. "The Girl Who Knew Too Much". I came home and got myself a great job and some great new good freinds. Then I lived with a biker (a real sweety would do anything for anyone) who is still one of my best friends and we had the wildest party house in town with infamous "roof parties" on the roof. My house was across the road from the Steelers Football Ground so we would climb the roof and watch the game for free. I rode a Harley back then too.
(Stories to come)

 

7, I have studied history, mythology, ancient religions and the Tarot for over 20 years now. I also studied numerology, Chinese IChing, Runes and other Secret Sciences. In 1993 I discovered a pure mathematical system and algorithm in the attributes and astrology alignments which proves a scientific and mathematic basis to astrology and the Tarot, showing that it is in fact a book of science. I also studied an ancient form of "temple yoga" not unlike pilates and learned healing at the foot of masters. In the nineties I owned "The Tarotvan" which was a painted caravan that I traveled around to markets and fairs with selling crystals and teaching Tarot.
(Stories to Come)

 

8, I lived on a farm for a few years and I grew 146 medicinal herbs which I used to develop tinctures and natural remedies to many ailments. I spent many years studying herbal and natural medicines. My tinctures were famous in my area because they really did work. I also cared for injured native animals and sick cows during this time. I had a vegetable garden bigger than my house and I won many prizes at the local shows for my produce and fresh herbs. I also won for miniature flower arrangements. It was only later I found out that the world's biggest pumpkins of the 1930's were grown in my garden. Before that I lived on the edge of an isolated lake entrance and I would gather fresh seafood, fish, oysters, prawns, octopus and pippies for dinner of a night. I am a great cook.
(Stories to come)

 

9, My first husband was 17 years older than me and he was a real sweetheart until he turned violent from the damage to his brain caused by his illness. In an eight year period I had 56 black eyes, 27 broken noses, 8 broken fingers, one broken arm, One broken coccyx, 6 broken ribs and two fractured skulls. He was locked up three times in mental hospitals and I was eventually rescued by the police dog squad, swat squad, gun squad and every other squad they had hanging around. All of this is recorded.
(Bestseller Book to come)

 

10, I collect Limoges Porcelain miniatures and I can't wait for the day that I can display them in my house without fear that my children will break them. I have my favourite designers but collect any Limoges. When I used to have money before Glen got sick I would buy Limoges and sell the ones I didn't want on Ebay to make money to buy more.
(Story to Come)


There you have it.. Ten weird things about me that you probably never knew and probably never wanted to.

and I know there will be some people a bit shocked at this but it's the truth. Its all part of what has made me ME. I hope it doesn't make anyone think any different of me as it was many many years ago and knock on wood, I haven't even had a speeding ticket for over 20 years now.



So now.. I am not going to continue the tag as such..

instead in the comments I would like you to tell me a few weird things about you that you think I would like to know. I love peeking...


and Thanks for the tag Kat.... Hmm revenge is sweet :).. * is thinking up something sweet --- Kat's Profile and Blogs



MySpace Bloggers

mayet666 23 December, 2007 15:15 General, Poetry, Satire, Christmas, Myspace Permalink Trackbacks (0)
The MySpace bloggers are a funny bunch
of contradictions far and wide
There's something aboard for evryone
and dramas that just won't slide

She hates me, no he hates ME
the crap flies here and there
there lots and lots of foot stamps
and people yelling that it's just not fair

but in between the hyped up stuff
Sprinkled like icing caked on top
are some really interesting people
who's stories are a challenge to pop

Are you in for the experience
or just to whinge and have a bitch
do you want to learn something new
or do you just want a ball to pitch

Take it as an education
a mixed bag full of varied tricks
and treat it with the utmost respect
or you'll only find the bloomin' pricks

The Grinch Continued

mayet666 19 December, 2007 15:31 General, Fiction, Poetry, Comedy, Satire, Christmas, Myspace Permalink Trackbacks (0)
We will now continue our tale
of the little grinchy lad
and all the rotten reasons
that the green kid was so bad

Come Christmas time in festive land
Everyone would pack their bags
and head off up to Christmas town
there were many gifts to tag

The town lit up like fairyland
People scurried here and there
Bad Frosty Directed traffic
right around the village square




The doughboy stood on the corner
peddling out his wares
and Joko was in the kitchen
putting rum in with the pears


The tooth fairy worked the town gate
With the green grinch by his side
There was contraband a plenty
that the visitors were prone to hide

The Easter bunny conducted strip searches
while the tooth fairy looked on
The grinch just growled displeasure
as the bunny felt up another blonde



Well the green skin boy got bored
and often he would stray away
He was turned off by those rotten men
and so off he would trot to play

But be mindful of our story
how those elves didn't want to play
With that lad from christmas town
and how they all stayed far away

Now all those elves were busy
and rudolf cracked his whip
The grinch was in the blasted way
over his green ass they would trip

They would yell and rant and scream at him
and kick him outside the shed
They would smash their parcels into him
and bang them on his head

And so the Grinch got really cranky
one christmas week in time
His anger built within him
until it crossed the line

His ears steamed out in green puffs
of radioactive green gas
His flat fat feet would stomp about
and he would yell of all things crass

But no one seemed to look at him
they all rushed by him really fast
and trampled poor little grinchy
as they all hurried past

So the grinch then hit the jackpot
of devious tricks to try
He decided to create a din
and teach himself to fly


So he sat there and he pondered
things of physics and of math
See if he didn't learn his lessons
he would earn the tooth fairies wrath


So his plans formed inside his head
and he went and gathered bits
He snuck and raided cupboards
to find the pieces that would fit


He went and stole the wood
from santas old stockpile
and went and pinched his tools
along with a hammer and a file

 


Soon his plane was ready
to fly about the town
The grinch had saved all rudolfs shit
and marked the spots to throw it down

But he needed some more power
his phosphorus wasn't quite enough
To get the plane all powered up
he needed stronger stuff

So he snuck into the workshop
and had a look around
and opened a few boxes
can you guess what grinchy found

A mother lode of power
spread right through the place
The grinch loaded up his arms
and ran out with a grin on his face






So the Grinch built up his airplane
then stood back straight and tall
I'll give these bastards Christmas
wait till the Shit begins to fall

He loaded up the bomb bay
with all of Rudolf's shit
and then he checked the map again
and planned whos head's to hit

He strapped up his new found power cells
and shoved them deep in the back
He filled them with his green gas
nuclear power cells to stack



The Grinch fired up the engine
and shot right into outer space
He wet his pants and crapped himself
there was terror on his face

He turned the rocket right around
and headed back to earth
He gathered such speed to him
he felt he was about to give birth





As the rocket sped towards the ground
the grinch was flattened by the force
His fuzz hair streamed out behind him
a crash was inevitable of course

But right at the last moment
Santa Claus was driving by
The Rocket hit rudolf on the nose
sending his nostrils into his eyes



The rocket's course was altered
and missed the town centre by a mile
It crashed into the reindeers hay
sending green poop throughout the pile


In the middle it was little Grinchy
with crap pouring down his head
and now spread all around him
those batteries now green and dead

 


Now All that luminesence
was gone from in The Grinches skin
He was white and he was crabby
the same color as his kin

No -one knows what caused the reaction
that reversed the green skin tinge
it was enough to confuse poor old santa
and sent him off on an old rum binge

That was the Annus Horibilis
of Santa's Christmas town
Green droopy bits of slimeballs
Just kept on raining down

And Santa had to hire an elf
to write on every box
"batteries not included"
thanks to that little fox

So if this christmas you get a gift
and you see that written there
you know the grinch has touched your toy
and you know the reason's fair

Because you don't want little Johnny
to smile at you at night
to have his little face grin back
all luminous and bright

So to mums the whole world over
Santa's message to you today
is go out now and buy batteries
cos I've got none in me sleigh

Blame that little grinchy one
although I think he has gone to hide
I am sure that all that action
was too much to take in his stride

There was a secret to this story
and it is really very huge
As now the he lost his greenness
he's became Crabby McScrooge




And thats why old Rudolf's nose is red
Because you know I never lie
with this little tale from Christmas town
to make you laugh until you cry

But to be sure there will be more tales
from where this ditty has sprung
Because I've got more stories
waiting to roll off my fat ole tongue

Twas The Night Before Christmas - Myspace Style

mayet666 11 December, 2007 15:42 General, Fiction, Poetry, Comedy, Christmas, Myspace Permalink Trackbacks (0)

Twas the night before Christmas when all through myspace

Not a blogger was stirring, not even at Jabs place

The blogging was done, the fingers packed away

waiting for santa, when drunk comes to stay.

Shirtless John and Joko, were snuggled into bed

Between them was Jessica, snoring off her head

Tit's Macgee was off dreaming, of sexual misdeeds

And Stelf was plotting ways, of relationships to mislead

Then out in cyberspace, came the noise of a crash

Nip fell off Chad, in the din and the bash

Jersey ran to the window and threw it open wide

in rushed Crabby and Kate, he was carrying his bride

"It is time to party", he yelled out real loud

and opened the doors, to the huge Myspace crowd

<b>in rushed the crew, full of rah rah and fun

followed by Rav, hiding out from the sun

Crabby stood on the table and captured the mood

There's no drama today, just plenty of food

The beers in the fridge, the music's on slow

Wait till nips strips, the mood will then flow

Stone Bryson was pacing, hopping up and down

Gina was watching John, on her face was a frown

Tila tequila was singing, and wiggling on the pole

Everyone laughed when she fell down a hole

Kate danced with crabby, and Chad was with Tuck

When suddenly came Santa, in a noisy dump truck

The back part was full, of gifts of all size

It was too much for jabs, his dick started to rise

Jabs hid behind Tits, but that was bad you see

Cos' it wasn't very long, before tits spun to her knee

Just at that time, Stelf the elf happened past

When she saw what she saw, she grew up really fast

The crew was all happy, having a ball of a time

There were presents and gifts, it cost not a dime

Ms K Brown was on stage, telling jokes in her mic

Thank God its Myspace, no writers on strike

Jersey girl is drunk and sprouting her prose

Joko is smitten and hands her a red rose

Jessica has disappeared, with the shirtless one John

I'm sure he is giving her, a special one for "ron"


Santa sat on his chair, with Stelf by his side

Her shock is now over and taken in stride

With a blush on her face and a smile ear to ear

I think I see Santa Claus, pinching her rear

Overall the great party, is hailed a success

As Crabby kissed Kate, he jumped and professed

While Kate is my first Love, Myspace is my last

Lets always remember and never let party go past.




SOuth Pole Santa Is A WOman

mayet666 11 December, 2007 15:25 Poetry, Satire, Christmas, Myspace Permalink Trackbacks (0)
Santa's Shindig

Roll up Roll up Roll up
to join in on santa's fun
its party time in myspace
and Santa's Bringing out the sun

 

See Santa has a surprise for you
and I'm sure you will all agree
its the best way to spend Christmas
as your little eyes will see

Because Santa is an Australian
and Christmas time for me
is sunshine and hot summer
in a land far away and free

 

No Snow and cold or fireplace
no rains and dreary days
instead we swim and party on
and get suntanned on the way

But Santa has a secret
that some of you have guessed
but then others do not have a clue
of whose presecence that you've blessed

See you have made old santa happy
and I am as joyous as can be
to see your smiles and happiness
has been such a treasure given to me

Santa's suit is hot and red
and a bit stuffy right inside
if I said it made my balls itch
then to you Santa would have lied

Because Santa's got no balls
"Snot your Mom" the bitch was right
see this suit around the chest area
for my boobies is much too tight

Yes Santa's not a man this year
and I can say I never was
I was born to be a mummy
and you can stick that up your schnozz

See Christmas is about the mummies
the ones that work all year
to make their children happy
and too wipe away the tears

Santa's Christmas is for everyone
this is for the mums and dads
that work so hard to raise a babe
into bonnie lasses and lads

So enjoy all I have for you
its my gift to make you smile
please pass on some of the happiness
to put a grin on old Santa's dial


Stelf The Elf And Mrs Claus

mayet666 10 December, 2007 15:36 General, Poetry, Comedy, Satire, Christmas, Myspace Permalink Trackbacks (0)

Subscribe to Santa
or
I will set the tooth Fairy loose on your Mother......




Add Santa to your Friends List today



I have a story to tell you
it is a tale from long ago
It's all about my favourite elf
and the day she left in the snow


she was as bright as sunshine
and as soft as the lunar glow
I should have told her that I loved her
but alas I was a day too slow


She was my loveliest little imp
with a voice that stirred the skies
she hopped and bounced and flounced around
and caught ole Santa's eye





She would come and sit on santa's knee
and huggle up real tight
She would chat to me and make me laugh
and be my guiding light


but Santa was a naughty boy
and had his eye on more than one
When your live in a menagerie
picking and choosing is so much fun



So Stelf the elf, as was her name
grew sadder by the day
she stood by and watched Santa Claus
Take the other elves out to play


Then One day that little elf
decided she had to go away
she packed her bags and said goodbye
and left that very day


She wandered off on her journey
to lands both far and wide
She left to find some happiness
and mend the pain she felt inside

 

Stelf the elf had many adventures
She met with Elvis on the way
and she became a myspace blogger
asking stars if they are gay





She visited kings in washington
and sold makeup in a mall
She wrote on love and relationships
and perfect men with just one ball




Meanwhile back in Santa Land
the elves did not go out to play
things were grim and sad now
Without Stelf elf to spark the day






Santa visited the children
but without Stelf by my side
I listened very emptily
and then went home and cried




I decided then enough's enough
and packed up my sac and pride
I was off to find my dewdrop
so I took my sled out for a ride



I flew off high to find her
It was early christmas eve
I knew that if I kissed her lips
she would never want to leave


Rudolfs nose was like a beacon
it lit the entire Internet
I landed here in myspace
and soon began to fret


I opened up the bestest blogs
to see what they had to tell
There were blonds galore and millions
of brunettes and redheads as well


I found lots and lots of drama
as I am sure that you will agree
oh nips and tucks and captain tits
where oh where could she be


Then one day I found her
my heart thumped with happiness
I wrote this poem just for my elf
bursting with the love I must confess




I'm taking her back to santa land
I've asked her to be my bride
I told her that I loved her
and I was sorry that I lied



So Stelf left the land of reality
and flew off with the big old fool
So what if no one read her blog
Santa thinks shes really cool



As an epilogue to this story
The girl took me with all my flaws
She did the honour of marrying me
and Stelf the elf became Mrs Claus




Santa Loves You Stelf

and remember Send Santa to your friends


The Grinch

mayet666 10 December, 2007 15:33 General, Poetry, Comedy, Satire, Myspace, Animals Permalink Trackbacks (0)
Why The Grinch is Green
*Note Starring John and Joko as The Grinch
(he wouldn't give me any pics the mean little green cabbage fart)

Once upon a moonlit night
or so the story said
a grinch was born in Christmas town
right down in the garden bed

 



No-one knew who the heck his mom was
to say nothing of his dad
he lay there in the cabbage patch
that squealing green skinned lad


The Easter bunny found him
when he was munching on some corn
he said he heard some strange grunts
then from a cabbage the Grinch was born



Then the elves from Christmas Town
all came down to see the boy
He was now swaddled in a manger
three wise men bought him a toy



The elves they turned there eyes away
from the glowing green skin glaze
He was given to the tooth fairy
a bright green kid for him to raise

Some say he may have changed in time
with a diet that was just right
but that Tooth Fairy as he was
never came home of a night





So the Grinch was left to feed himself
and the menu choice was few
The Grinch wouldn't eat the carrots
so he was left with the Cabbage stew



Of course we have all heard the same stories
of private matters about the bum
The next day the grinch would fart so much
That a herd of flies would come



None of the elves did play with him
from upon their nose they looked down
stared upon that green skinned kid
and on their faces was a frown

They were afraid of anyone different
so the Grinch stood all alone
those cold nights out in the snow
with only a kennel for a home

The elves were warm inside their shed
They all laughed around the fire
The Grinch was just a guard dog
 "rent a cop" security for hire



As the Grinch grew much older
his skin glowed more and more
all this gooey green shit
kept on oozing out his pores

See underneath the garden bed
was Superman's North pole hideaway
The Ice cave his daddy left him
where he often came to stay

The Green Glow was the Krptonite
that he funnelled up the ground
right up to the garden bed
the toxic waste was spread right round




So the grinch was radioactive
and set the counters off the scale
Phosphorus and luminous
he is the outcast in this tale

The lad grew sadder and sadder
as he grew so lonely there
he was smart and he was nice
but they didn't like his spikey hair



 

Those other elves were cheeky
 there was games they liked to play
They would rock the roof of the kennel
and throw reindeer shit at his sleigh


Well, as the Grinch grew older
to himself he had to turn
the blows and the hard knocks in life
were the lessons that he learned


the lad was starved of mother's love
and cuddles through the night
of story time and bathes so hot
and beds tucked in snug and tight






So the Grinch developed a persona
a shell to hide his soft insides
he hunched his back and turned so grim
and all the elves would run and hide

He yelled and stamped and bullied
picking on tiny elves all day
he wrote mean things and drama blogs
and tore a few new assholes on the way

 He was nasty to them all
and he had no favorites
anyway who strayed in front
the grinch would jump to get

So they named the Grinch Old Crabby
and here he is too stay
picking here and picking there
in his mean and nasty way


But deep down inside crabby
is a soft a sweet little guy
for the grinch is really loveable
and never tells a lie



so now we get to the finish
of this little grinchy tale
of a mean and grunpy grinch
who is a hot and horny male

So stay tuned into Santa
for more story time and fun
because the grinch stole Christmas
and that tale is still to come

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