Rose Garden - The Day my Sister Died.
Catherine Frances Honey 31.07.1963 - 16.11.1988
The
16th of November 1988 dawned a sunny warm spring day and I woke up
around 7am feeling fresh for once. Jumping out of bed, I wandered out
to the kitchen to make a cuppa of coffee to liven me up. I stood there
listening to the birds singing in Dad's aviary out the back as I waited
for the jug to boil, little realizing that the day would turn out to be
the worse day of my life.
It was five days before my 22nd
birthday and the house was empty, mum and dad were in Sydney at dad's
heart specialist, as dad had only been released from hospital the week
before after having a near fatal series of heart attacks. I sat reading
the paper and shortly afterwards there was the sound of a key turning
in the front door, my sister Cathy had arrived for her morning cuppa on
the way to work.
Cathy lived half an hour south of us in
Jamberoo with her husband Trevor and worked about ten kilometres north
of us in Fairy Meadow so it was logical for her to leave home earlier
of a morning and stop in for a cuppa with mum and dad before work. I
was usually fast asleep at this time and missed seeing her. I started
work at 10 of a morning and my nights were full of partying so lazy
late mornings were the norm for me.
cathy's Wedding - Me on far right in pink
But
this morning my body clock decided different for me and my sister sat
down and drank her coffee with me and we talked. We really talked, for
probably the first time in our lives we talked, as two adults, as
sisters. We talked about me starting uni in Wagga in the new year and
how excited I was that my life was going where I wanted it to go, that
the confusion of my teen years and relationship with Zoran, Krystals
father were behind me. We talked of Cathy's inability to conceive and
how it had hurt me that nobody had told me about it. My parents and
sister were very closed in "private matters" and felt that it was
something not to de discussed within the family. So I never had a clue
there was a problem and just thought that they hadn't decided to have
kids yet. Me being me, was a "stirrer" every time I would see her I
would tease her about her extended wait to have children, little
realizing the pain and torment I must have visited upon her each and
everytime I "stirred it up". Why hadn't mum quietly taken me aside and
said hey there is problems. I ended up finding out through one of my
sister friends.
Identical Outfits
My
sister and I discussed this for the first time. I told her I was
prepared anytime to be a surrogate mother for her and she was over the
moon. I told her if she had told me prior it would already be
happening, I would have done it anytime. She explained that she had an
appointment later that morning with her gyno and she would tell him
what I had said and see what we had to do if her current treatment
didn't work.
I had two jobs at the time, one at the fraternity
club as a cashier and bar wench and during the day I worked at the TAFE
food school which was also at Fairy Meadow as a chef's assistant.
Mostly I worked with the pastry chef and at the end of the day I would
take home delicious cakes that had been baked, chocolate cakes, tea
cakes, butter cakes, birthday cakes, Christmas cakes, cupcakes, cream
sponge cakes, buns and slices, biscuits and cookies every single goodie
and sweet imaginable.
So before Cathy left that fateful
morning I handed her two giant cakes for her workplace's morning tea. I
walked her down to the car, still chatting a way, a pleasant relaxed
feeling inside and a hope that our relationship would be little easier
from now on. I watched as she placed the cakes on the floor of the car
then she climbed into the drivers side and drove off. I stayed standing
there long after her car had disappeared around the corner in Gundarun
street.
It was 8.35 am.
Cathy as a baby
A
little while later when I had gotten out of the shower there was
another knock at the door. It was Lisa one of my friends who had come
to say hi on her way into town to do some shopping. We chatted while I
continued to get ready and then she said "Oh by the way, don't go your
usual way to work today. There has been an accident on the F6 and
someone died."
I froze, my blood froze, I knew at that point, I
just knew I didn't know how I knew I just did. I looked at Lisa and
said "where". She explained it was about 200 metres south of the Gipps
road overpass, a silver car had gone under a truck.
Cathy was wary around animals
The
blood drained from my face as I pictured myself not 40 minutes earlier
waving to the back of a silver sedan as it cruised down my street. I
shook my head and sensibility set in. "No, thousands of cars travel
along the expressway each day, hundreds of those cars are silver". The
thoughts raced around in my head, a million scenarios.
I explained
to Lisa my fears and we both found a hundred reasons for our
imagination getting away from us. Lisa left soon after and I fnished
getting ready and jumped in my car for the journey to work.
I
just had a "bad feeling" I couldn't explain the pit in my stomach or
why I felt the way I did. It felt like the sunny day was overcast by a
grey shadow. I drove off and as I turned into Robsons road down towards
the expressway onramps, I could see to the north the flash of red and
blue lights. The traffic was banked up on the southern side traveling
north only, way back as far as I could see past Figtree, the next
suburb to the south.
Cathy and I with our Half Dutch Cousins (mums sisters kids)
I
went straight ahead instead of attempting the onramp and drove along
the parallel side road amongst the housing estates. When I got to Gipps
Road, the fear and curiosity got the better of me, instead of keeping
on going the direction I was going, I detoured again, driving along the
road that would take me over the overpass. I got to the bridge and
slowed to a crawl, many other drivers were stopped and there was a
crowd on the bridge looking towards the accident. I craned my neck to
see amongst the people towards the accident which I could see about 150
metres to the south of me. Then I saw it. A silver sedan that looked so
familiar.
"I had to keep driving, there was cars behind me and I had
to get to work. Once again the sensible fairy sat on my shoulder
chattering away. Don't be silly, there is hundreds of silver cars, many
many silver cars, beside you are as blind as a bat, you haven't got
your contacts in so you couldn't see what it was, It could be a Ford or
Toyota and even if it was a Holden, it could have been a commodore".
I
reasoned with myself the rest of the way to work but always at the back
of my reasoning was this awful pit of fear and knowing.
I walked
into the food school in zombie mode, I don't remember arriving in the
staffroom but when I arrived I found I couldn't bear it anymore. The
bells were chiming loudly and I ran upstairs to the Head Teachers
office to ask If I could use his phone. I dialed the number to Cathy's
workplace and shook as it connected, expecting to hear Cathy's voice
and then having the sensible fairy slap my face and tell me to go lie
on a couch somewhere and talk about my Histronic personality disorder.
But no, one of the other girls answered "oh no Cathy's not in yet".
Thud,
my heart hit my feet as I replaced the receiver. I looked at my bosses
secretary who I knew lived at Figtree to the south of the accident. I
asked what time she had left for work and she answered "oh about 8.40".
I
asked her if she had been held up and driven passed the accident and
she nodded and said she had been held up about 20 mins but still got to
work only a little late. By this time the alarm bells were deafening
but the sensible fairy kept running around with cottonwool and
silencing the sound.
While this was going on some my fellow
staff not working in classes, had gathered and two of them asked me
what vehicle she was driving and then left to drive back passed the
accident to check it all out. My boss rang the police and hospital only
to be told there was no details. I dialed my brother in laws number and
was relieved when he answered the phone. I asked him if Cathy was going
anywhere else before work that morning. He said no and told me about
the appointment later that morning that he was meeting her for.
We have the boy haircut going again
He asked why I wanted to know and once again the fairies came out arguing but I felt I should say something.
"I
don't want to scare you or alarm you Trevor but there has been an
accident on the F6. It's a silver car and Cathy's not at work yet".
Silence
and then Trevor said "Hang on a minute, it's 10 am the news will be
on"> He dropped the phone and I could hear the radio faintly in the
background reporting the accident as the top headlines.
"The sole
famle occupant of a silvr grey Camira has been fatally injured in a
head on collsion on the F6 this morning at Gynneville".
All of a sudden I could hear Trevor keening in the background, "noooooooooooooooooooo"
He
came back on the phone after a minute and I told him to calm down and
that we didn't know for sure. I relayed the hundred sensible points I
had argued with myself over all morning to him and told him I was
ringing the hospital again. He said he would get ready and come up to
Wollongong immediately, earlier than he was going to.
<div style="text-align: center;">

After
I hung up I turned to see Vivian and Troy arrive back from their drive
to the accident with what I can only describe as looks of pity,
commiseration, empathy, on their faces. Looks I became familiar with
very quickly.
They
whispered to my boss and strangely enough his own face began to mirror
those same looks. Meanwhile I rang the police and when I finally got
through explained I was worried about my sister. "We don't know
anything Ma'am you are going to have to ring the hospital". Frustrated
I slammed the phone down and dialed the hospital. After a wait on hold
I was put through to four or five departments before I finally got the
response. "I am sorry ma'am you will have to ring the police for
information".
Back
in the eighties there was no mobiles or cell phones, I couldn't dial
her cell to find out if she was ok. By this stage I was frantic but the
voice of reason kept me under control. I was still reasoning in my head
that this was a dream, it was surreal, that I was going to turn around
and look like a ripe fool for wasting everyone's time and concern.
I
was afraid I was causing drama and being a drama queen over nothing and
I really wanted that to be so. The pit of despair, the knowing, the
reaching out in my mind knowing she wasn't there were all pushed to the
back of my mind, to hang like dark shadows, by that same reasoning.
I
just knew. I didn't know how I knew but I had known a week before and I
knew now but I refused to accept that I knew. I didn't want to know
this one. This one was too much.
Vivian
approached me and offered to drive me to the hospital to see if we
could find out more info, it all felt so surreal. We drove in silence,
I was locked in an inner battle of wills. "Yes or no, Don't be silly.
What a drama queen. Snap out of it Margaret. You do KNOW, so now accept
it. Nah, what an imagination, aren't you going to feel the fool
tomorrow". The thoughts and fears ran around my mind in scattered
sequences.
We
arrived at the hospital and made our way to emergency. By this time
after umpteen diversions and detours I just wanted to know the truth.
We explained our story yet again to the woman behind the counter and
she disappeared off to find yet another diversion for us. I leaned back
against the wall and the thoughts drifted once again around in my
head. It was fairly dark in the waiting area and I turned towards the
corridor and the emergency theatre itself, to see four doctors in
white coats striding purposefully down the polished white, tiled floor.
The first one came up to me and asked me my name. he then said that he
didn't know anything and that the police were on their way to the
hospital to take my details. Oh great I felt like such a criminal.
Everyone in the waiting room was staring at me by this time and the
doctors ushered Vivian and I into a room at the very eastern end of the
hospital wing.

We
sat on a chair in the tiny room and waited. I got up and looked out of
the tiny window towards the sea, I could see the police car snaking its
way up the emergency entrance drive and I went back and sat in silence
opposite Vivian.
Not
long after three officer came into the room, the two male officers
beckoned to Vivian and took her outside, leaving me with the female
officer. I stood up and said "look I am sick of this shit, I have been
sent everywhere and told nothing all morning I just want to know the
truth"
She
sat there and looked up with her big blue eyes into my own pleading
ones, the answer I didn't want to see was plainly written there. She
sighed and hung her head and said "we think it is your sister, I am so
sorry, she died instantly".
I
spun around and punched the wall, standing there stunned, the mornings
events crashing down on my shoulders like a ton of bricks from above.
The reasoning fairy was triumphantly squashed by the voice of
doom……….all my nightmares all my fears, all the horror. Any moment now
I would wake up and be back at work planning which cakes to take home
for the days to be eagerly consumed by my parents and sister.
I took a deep breathe, pushed it all away and turned back to her. "What Happened?"
She
explained that Cathy had been driving in the right lane near the medium
strip (think driving left hand side of road) and she came to a spot
that had a gushing riverlet of water running across from the night
befores rain. The pipes hadn't ben build under the road to contain the
rainwater flow and it flowed across the road in this one "dip" point.
The car in front of her had slammed his foot on the brakes to get into
the left lane to take the Sydney offshoot and she in turn had braked
hard, just as she was driving over the flowing water. Her car was front
wheel drive and it belonged to her husbands brother, it wasn't her
usual car so she wasn't as familiar with it as she was her rear end
drive holden.
She
skidded and went over the medium strip straight into the path of an
oncoming truck. The seating area of the car where she was had not
sustained any damage, the left front side had gone hard up against the
truck and under it's cab. Cathy's head had snapped to the side and she
broke her neck on impact with the window.

Our Family
I
sat there for a minute trying to absorb what was being said…. I finally
spoke. "and what about the idiot who decides to brake on an expressway
to change lanes way to late to be ready for the offshoot"?
The
policewoman shook her head. He had gone in a cloud of dust, never to be
seen again, possibly never realizing the tragic devastation and
catastrophe he had left behind. The truck driver was sedated, he had no
time to avoid the collision.
The
policewoman looked at me and spoke again "We can't find your parents
and your sisters husband is sedated as well now. Thank you for calling
him, he called his parents after he spoke to you and they arrived just
before the police wagon pulled into his street to tell him the official
news. I need to ask you, we can wait for Trevor but the media already
has the details and we need the body identified, do you feel up to it."
I
nodded slowly although every fibre of my being was screaming no, no no
. I don't even like horror movies and this was real life shit. But I
didn't want my parents in any morgue identifying her body and Trevor
too, the wife he loved and adored so I made my way down to the morgue
with Vivian and the three officers.
We
stepped inside. It smelt of disinfectant. This was the second time in
my life I had been inside such a place, the first time was my birth in
a morgue and now this, 5 days shy of my 22nd birthday to identify my
dead sister. I was taken to a room with a glass screen covered by a
curtain on the other side, Shortly after the police officer came and
stood beside me and warned me that my sister had died of head injuries
and it would not be pleasant.
I
didn't want to hear her, I just wanted to do what I had to do and be
out of there, I wanted it all not to be real, I wanted to get a hug off
my mum and her tell me it would be ok.
The curtain slid back and my
eyes lifted to slowly take in what I was seeing. It was my sister but
it wasn't. She was lifeless, purple, swollen and bruised. Her eyes were
closed and there was dried blood around her mouth. A sheet covered her
up to her chest but I could see the massive bruising on her chest. She
didn't look asleep, she looked dead, white gray swollen dead.
I
turned away and walked out of the room, saying yes that's my sister as
I left. As I walked out I asked the officers if they had managed to get
my parents at the roadblocks up the mountains and they shook their
heads.
I turned to Vivian and asked her if she could drive me to
Gran B's. Mum and dad would go straight there for lunch on their
arrival back from Sydney and pick my daughter Krystal up to take her
home. We pulled into the street and I gave a sigh of relief to see my
parent's car out the front. All emotion was locked down, there were
things to be done. I got out and went up to the wire security door. I
looked down the hallway to my father sitting there in puzzlement at my
arrival in my pink work uniform.
Grandma
came and answered the door and took one look at my white face, asking
me what was wrong. I floated past her into the dining room where my
parents were sitting, obliviously enjoying a salad lunch.
The radio was on in the background, the strains of the 12 oclock NEWS broadcast runin music already blasting into the room.
Dad stood up. "whats wrong".
"Cathy's been in an accident I said, without a flicker of emotion in my voice and on my face."
Mum jumped up. "Is she ok".
"No
she's dead," I answered and sat on the sofa staring straight ahead.
"she was in an accident on the f6 and she was killed instantly. Oh mum
I am so sorry".
Mum
and dad looked at each other in horror. Grandma jumped up and turned
the radio up only to hear it broadcast at that exact moment
The
body of a woman killed in the head on collision on the F6 Freeway today
has been identified as Catherine Frances Honey, 25 of Jamberoo"……………………
Mum
Screamed, Dad placed his head in his hands and dropped to the floor
rocking, no no no, Grandma sat there with her mouth open in shock. To
be continued....
This
has been the hardest Blog I have ever written. I promised all year I
would write this event today on the anniversary of my sisters death,
the 16th of November. Today the emotion has run free and I have relived
those events as if they were only yesterday. The pain is as strong as
it was then. The tearing apart. The never getting to say goodbye. But
I like to think I did say goodbye that morning. I had told her my hope
and dreams and plans of the future, we had talked, we had said sorry,
we had reconciled our childhood, we were adults. One with a path that's
was tragically cut short in her prime, and one whose live was about to
change forever that day.
Tomorrow I will complete this
episode.. for now I have to go outside and smell the roses… and
remember my butterfly.. my sister.. the golden pure one…
R.I.P. Cathy 16.11.88
The lion sleeps tonight